The #1 mistake I was making with my childrenDec 14, 2019
I recently read Shauna Niequist’s book Present Over Perfect. In it she describes a concept called ‘fake-resting’. Right when I read this, I knew I was guilty of doing it all the time.
My family would be playing a board game on a lazy weekend morning and I would be half-joined in, partially there but not really there, there. I was still wearing my pajamas so it seemed like I was resting, but I was puttering around the house putting away toys and books and everything else that accumulated on the horizontal surfaces, folding laundry, the endless list of momming chores beckoning me.
The kids would call me over when it was my turn. I would walk over, assess, make my move, have a quick comment or giggle and then return to whatever else I was doing. I was half in and mostly out. Which means I wasn’t really there. I thought I was being productive but the truth was, I was missing it. I was missing the little moments, trading connection with my family for efficiency.
Multitasking at its worst. I wasn’t present.
Can you relate? Can you see yourself in any of this? When you’ve pretended to be with your kids, your husband or really with anyone. Acted like you were participating when your mind was somewhere else entirely? Have you had a conversation while there is a whole other dialog happening in your head.
If so, you have an amazing opportunity in front of you. Right now, today, you can start to practice being where your feet are. Because the first step in behavior change is just noticing. Bringing in that self-awareness is the key.
And being present in the moment with the people in your life provides a source of magic and connection that will make you feel alive in the best way possible.
It’s the holidays and we’ve got so many hats to wear (tooth fairy, elf and online holiday shopping all in one night!). The kids will be home for 15 plus days of back-to-back Saturdays [anxiety creep!].
You want to be playful, graceful, merry and joyful - but you need to be productive. You want to create memories and keep the holiday magic alive for your little ones. And, you don't want to lose it with your kids in front of family or house guests.
How will you keep multi-tasking from hijacking your holidays?
It starts with awareness. Notice your emotions, thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in the moments of "fake resting" and see what you can do to be where your feet are. Why? Because the magic will go away, the bell will stop ringing [Polar Express reference there!], they’ll stop asking you to tuck them in at night, it’ll all go away.
Check out this case study to learn how our clients have learned to be where their feet are, manage the noise with intention and grace, presence and gratitude - over the holidays and beyond.
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