It's ok to need.Nov 16, 2019
"I need to process events, emotions and stress on my own first. It took me a long time to understand myself in this way. I started feeling “wrong” for needing time alone or away to untangle my emotions and needs. It felt like too much to ask. And when I couldn’t make room to process, the feelings would get stuffed away, I couldn’t deal with them the way I needed to. I became so easily triggered, especially by my kids.
When I took a hard look, I realized I was honoring everyone else’s needs while displacing my own. Why was I saying one thing to friends and family but doing another? I needed to include myself in my circle of kindness. In taking the time to notice, understand and acknowledge my needs, I was able to make an ask. From a place of love with grace and intention, not a place of fear with anger or resentment." -Nina
It’s ok to need.
Let’s say that again. It’s ok to need. To have needs.
How do you feel reading that? Relieved? Tense? Are you judging?
Moms all do it, we put on a tight-lipped smile, shelve our needs and push through - we take our place at the back of the line until…. What?
Because most of the time we’re fine, right? Everything’s fine. Mom’s got it.
But if we’re being real? It’s not.
Does asking for help mean you’re a less amazing mom? You’re actually more. You’re more amazing than you know.
When we reach out to the collective for help or space or an edit or a laugh or a carpool, we show everyone around us they’re needed. That we need them. We’re all needed. We need each other!
It feels so good to be needed!
Truth: We ALL have unmet needs. Ever feel resentful, overwhelmed, annoyed, disconnected or ashamed?
Negative emotions like these are messengers. They’re telling us we have needs that aren’t being met.
When we ignore these feelings, stuff them away, we’re ignoring our needs. And they don’t disappear. They actually grow louder and louder, feel heavier, and become harder to avoid and stow away when they’re not acknowledged.
Then what happens? We become more and more sensitive and triggered! Enter: scary mommy!
We yell, ruminate, or space out when we need to be present (we’ve all been there!).
But, when we slow down, take the time to listen to those feelings, acknowledge them, they quiet down.
TRY THIS: Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, or you realize you haven’t unclenched your jaw all day, take a sec and check in. What is that you’re feeling? Notice it. Try to name it! And then, consider what you’re needing in that moment. Do you need to make an ask? Take a walk? Leave the room?
It’s ok to need. It’s more than ok, it’s human nature. And we’re all better for it. To learn more about this process, and our coaching approach, click here.
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